guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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