We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
