it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
