You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize