I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
false alarm, still single
Randomize
