I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
