just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
