i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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