So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
