we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
