They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
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