Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
