I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
