I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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