I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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