Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
