I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize