My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
