Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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