she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
