The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
