I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
