I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
