So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
