She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
