Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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