It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
