He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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