It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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