watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we're so committed to being not committed
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