I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
