okay pat passed out under dana's car
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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