So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
