: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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