Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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