i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
