i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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