i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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