Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
