God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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