My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
