yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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