That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
