Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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