I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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