we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
