Apparently you make a good broom.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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