oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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