Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
