fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
