I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
