Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
