i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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