So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
