one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
