i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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