I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
