I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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