Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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