he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
