I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
