I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
