oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
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Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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