I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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