there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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