I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
