If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
