he shaved USA in his pubs
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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