Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
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Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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