Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize