Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
