I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize