My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
