p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
