I skipped work to stalk him.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
