I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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