my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
