Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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