You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
